The Stand-up Philosopher

You Never Regret Being Generous

Chris Guillebeau had an interesting post on his blog earlier this week. It has to do with a tip to a cab driver and a lack of anything smaller than a $5. Because he lacked anything smaller, he kept the $5 and didn’t tip the cab driver.

He stated in his post

It’s funny how I don’t often regret being generous, but when I choose to be stingy, it comes back to me later.

That really resonated with me. I can’t remember a time that I shouldn’t have given what I did, but I can think of many times that I should have given more, or something at all.

Rethinking How I Look At The World

Those who know me know how little enthusiasm I have for sports. I’ve never developed an interest. I’ve tried. I just couldn’t do it. Which is why I’m surprised at something that happened.

I got a call Sunday night. A friend of mine had Phillies tickets, and asked if I wanted to go to the game. I almost reflexively (and politely) declined. But then something went through my head. It’s something I’ve been chewing on for a while now.

I may not be that interested in the game, but I do enjoy spending time with my friends. And I don’t get asked to go to games very often. I said I’d like to go and we worked out the details.

I’ve made a lot of decisions in my life based on what would make me comfortable, or what would allow me to avoid inconveniences. I’ve turned down plenty of adventures because I didn’t want to deal with crowds and traffic.

But I’ve also given up a lot of chances to build relationships.

So I went to the game. And I had a good time. I spend time with friends. The weather was awesome. We had great seats, just off 1st base and in the shade for most of the game.

In 2004, right before Joshua was born, my brother in law had Phillies tickets for a Friday afternoon game and was going to take the whole family. I was working the swing shift at that time, but I was able to get off. Then one guy didn’t show up for work. I could have fought harder to leave, but I didn’t. I stayed and worked. It hit me yesterday that I should have gone to that game.

I made the pledge to myself that I’m going to stop making decisions that allow me to stay home and read or surf the Internet. I’m going to start doing more to build friendships and to get out and meet people. Maybe I’ll go to the Army/Navy game this year with a friend.

John Maxwell: Don’t Shun The Sting

This post by John Maxwell hit home for me. I had to make a phone call last night. I got an answering machine. I’m not very good with voice mails. Even with people I know, I’ve never been good. I sometimes opt to hang up on the voice mail and try to call later. My messages are very stilted because I lack feedback from the person. But when I’m calling for business, it’s bad form to not leave a message.

After I left a message last night, Christina told me it sounded horrible. I agree.

But, I am going to have to master the art of the phone call and the voice mail message to succeed in my business. I guess I’ll just have to keep at it.

I’ve only known of John Maxwell as an accomplished speaker. Like me with phone calls, he once started from somewhere too.

INC Magazine: Top Business Books

INC Magazine has a list of the “Top Business Books”. I’ve actually read one of them. You can try to guess which one.

Of all the reading lists I’ve come across, INC’s is one of the least inspiring. I don’t know if it’s because the reviews are so short. They’re way too short to tell you why that particular book would be useful, at least, in my case. Seeing how these books come from 800ceoread, they’re probably for people high up in large organizations.

I have found a few useful reading lists. Joel Spolski put together a list for a software MBA curriculum his company was offering about 5 years ago. I can’t find evidence at this point that this list has been updated. I also recently blogged about the Personal MBA Reading List. A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post about a Navy Reading List I came across.

I think reading lists are important. When I come across people I respect and admire (and want to be like), I always want to find out what books they’ve read.

Do you follow a reading list? Where do you get your ideas for books to read from?

The Fastest Way To The Top

Most of my life, I've tried to take the fastest path I could find to the top. It's rarely worked well. At times, I've felt like an overachiever. At other times, I've felt like a total failure.

In November, after I realized that my job was headed south, I bought Rabbi Daniel Lapin's book "Thou Shall Prosper". I bought the 1st edition for Kindle and read it on my iPhone. It took months to finish reading. I digested it slowly. I've been wanting to find some way to work for myself for a while. I don't know if this is it or not, or if I still have to learn more. I don't know.

This isn't a tangent. I'm bringing two threads together. While I've been unemployed, I rediscovered Diablo. I started playing the first version in 1999 or 2000. I used to play a modem game with a guy from work. It was a great stress reliever. After a long day of development testing, I could go home, pop a cold beer, and fire up Diablo. I'd walk through the dungeons slaying monsters and pretending they were Lockheed Martin engineers. Until you've had to support them, you won't understand. I don't mean the monsters.

Alternate Work Schedules: What's Best For You?

The company that laid me off last month rolled out what they called "Flexible Work Schedules" at the end of 2008. I elected not to participate because I considered these schedules to be far less flexible than a regular 8 hour day 5 days a week.

One model required you to work 9 hours every day and take 1 day off every two weeks. The other model required 8 hour days one week, then 10 hour days the next, with 1 day off in the 2 week period. Maybe if they'd called it an "Alternate Work Schedule" I would have considered it. But by calling it a "Flexible Work Schedule" while making it less flexible than the original model, my BS detector just about blew my eardrum out. Oh, yeah, if an unpaid holiday appeared (they only gave us 7 paid holidays a year, and Black Friday wasn't one of them), your day off became that holiday whether you liked it or not. Yeah, real flexible. Also, if a paid holiday appeared during a time when you were scheduled to work more than 8 hours a day, you had to take vacation to make up the balance. Again, super flexible. 

It's scary when companies believe their own BS.

I've worked a flexible schedule before. When I was at BAE systems, I was required to put in 80 hours in 2 weeks. I could flex up to 16 hours from one week to the next within a pay period. As long as my work was getting done, I could come and go as I pleased. I loved it. If I needed a day off (or was sick) I could work a couple of 12 hour days to make up for the missed day. I could leave for a few hours and come back. Nobody ever said anything as long as my work was getting done, which it was.

I really enjoyed that kind of flexibility. I normally worked 9 hour days and took a half day most Fridays. I could come in on weekends if needed to make up time. I loved coming in on Saturday, when nobody else was there. I could get a lot done with the entire floor all to myself.

When Caleb tried a physics experiment (he wanted to see if his hand and the minivan sliding door could both occupy space simultaneously) I got up and left for the ER. I came back a few hours later and worked late.

INC Magazine has an article about Four Day Work Weeks. I don't actually like the concept of 4 day work weeks. I like to have the option to do them occasionally, but I would not want a 4 day work week to replace a 5 day work week.

Here's why:

• 10 hour days are exhausting- Seriously, they wear you down. I don't mind doing 10 and 12 hours days as the situation requires, but I wouldn't want to do them all the time.
• Workload is rarely that predictable
• They limit flexibility to handle workload- what do you do when something comes up on Friday, but everybody is off? "Oh, sorry Mr. Client, we don't work on Friday. You'll have to wait until Monday." That or you can incur some overtime expenses.
• Life is rarely that predictable

Here's my preference:

• Hire professionals that you can trust. Seriously, if you catch somebody cheating on time, fire them.
• Tell your professionals what needs to be done and when it needs to be done by.
• Give your professionals some leeway to decide what needs to be done and when it can be done.

In this age of knowledge work, many jobs can be done outside the limitations of a 9 to 5 workday set in a physical location. Why not change compensation to a model based on what gets done rather than how many hours a butt is in a chair? Some service jobs are still somewhat chained to time and space, but most knowledge jobs aren't. Give knowledge workers some space and watch what happens.

Judging and Condemning

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time. I doubt it’s going to become the long essay I originally wanted to write.

We’ve all heard people make comments like “Don’t judge me” or “You shouldn’t judge people”. Why?

The ironic thing is that these statements are often followed by some very judgmental statements, like “You shouldn’t judge people, you jerk!” “Don’t judge me. You’re so intolerant.”

As an amateur philosopher (and as The Stand-Up Philosopher), I have tried to construct a world in which it is possible to live without making any judgments at all. I can’t. It’s impossible.

If it were possible to live without judging anybody, why do we have a legal profession? Why is there an entire occupation known as judges?

Chances are, it’s a total misunderstanding of a couple of verses in something known as “The Sermon on the Mount”. You can find the relevant verse in Matthew 7, verse 1:

7 “Judge  not, that you be not judged

The problem is, it doesn’t stop there. The entire point to this passage is not that you should never judge anybody at any time for any reason. That’s impossible. Jesus continues:

2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
The New King James Version. 1982 (Mt 7:2–5). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

The whole point to the passage it to make sure that you’re straightened out before you confront somebody else about a “sin” in his or her life.

My point to this post is not to “preach” at you. I get annoyed when people don’t use the right words.

I think instead of “don’t judge me”, what people mean is “don’t condemn me.” Try using that next time. It’s impossible to make it through life without making judgments about people and things. Think about it, you have to “judge” distance when you drive.

Do You Know When To Fix Somebody, And When To Just Listen?

This post is hard for me. I like to fix things. I love to have problems to solve. I also love to learn things. I’d love to have the answer to every question.

A few weeks ago, a group I was talking with had an interesting discussion. Have you ever had somebody totally drop a bomb on you? He just open up and let you in one some major problem in his life. What’s your first reaction?

If you’re like me, your first reaction is probably something like “Oh, that’s not a big deal. You should try this. And also this. And yeah, this too. Ok, got it?” If you’re a Christian, you’ll probably throw a boilerplate “You’ve got to trust God. God will provide.”

The problem is, that’s often not helpful. I’m not saying I don’t believe it. But when the manure hits the fan, it’s not helpful.

Here are some steps to take when you are dealing with a friend facing a crisis that you think could be fixed, if they would just listen to you:

1. Give the person some credit for knowledge and life experience- It’s no secret I’m out of a job. I’ve gotten plenty of advice. None of it is helpful. Definitely none of it is new information. (See my post about the most useless career advice, and “Drive Safe…”.) I had somebody ask me if I knew I could look for jobs in the newspaper. No, really? Wow, I’m 36 years old and nobody ever told me there were jobs in the PAPER! What have I been doing with my life? Seriously, when you’re tempted to hand out advice, stop and think critically about whether or not the person you’re advising might actually know, have considered, or even tried the advice you’re hoping to use to apply a quick fix to his or her situation. Please.
2. Are you actually following or would you follow the advice you’re giving? Prior to being let go, a friend at my job would constantly offer me advice. I hadn’t seen him do any of it himself. I honestly wasn’t interested in following it. It didn’t appeal to me. I wanted to try some of my own ideas first. But he kept coming over to my cubicle and giving me the same advice over and over again. And of course, while he was giving me this advice, I couldn’t do anything else productive. When I was first told I’d be out of there in a few days, and given permission to access the job sites from work, he spent a good 45 minutes giving me that same advice again. That was 45 minutes that I WASN’T applying for other jobs. Then I had to be escorted out because they realized that employees who know they’re short become security risks. He was a friend, but that was wasted time. It wasn’t helpful, and it didn’t “fix” my problem.
3. Consider this: is it possible that you could be more help if you just shut up and listened? I have a fair amount of intelligence and life experience. I’ve had to find jobs before. I know how to do a job search, and intellectually, I know what steps I have to take to secure another position. But honestly, I’m scared. I don’t want to end up miserable again. I don’t want to be stuck in another stuffy cube next to the gossip-hole. I don’t want to be doing boring, tedious work again. I don’t want to work for another micromanger. I don’t want to be in another organization that is busy being busy. I want to be effective. I want to have challenges and solve problems. And I’m afraid if I go too fast, I’ll end up in another bad fit. And I don’t want that. It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for the company (see below). I’m often able to work through my own problems when I have somebody to think out loud to. I assume other people are as well.

When somebody drops a bomb on you, please consider that there might not be a quick fix. Consider the possibility that maybe you could do more good just by listening, rather than dispensing advice.

When Bad News Is Good News (And People Won’t Deliver It)

I wrote this post yesterday. Then I deleted the entire thing. What came out of my hands onto my keyboard was very angry and reactionary. It was also immature. I should expect better of myself.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know the news you’re likely to get is bad? Of course you have. But have you also wished that the shoe would just drop so you could get on with your life? But the shoe never drops. The call never comes. And it all boils down to people not keeping commitments.

Last Monday, I got a call. It was for a possible job. It sounded very exciting. This company was looking to branch into something that I have some very direct experience in. I also happen to be available to help them with it. There were drawbacks, like a 60 mile commute. But I was excited about the possibility.

How To Use A Daily Capture Mind Map

Way back in September, I wrote a post about using a concept called a Daily Capture Mind Map. It was to address a serious vulnerability in my own productivity system.

For the most part, it worked really well. I began using Mind Manger for iPhone. I kept this map on it. I treated this as a dashboard and used it to park information that I needed access to quickly. Prior to buying Mind Manager for iPhone, I was using Mind Meister, an online mind mapping service with a free plan. At the time I had two computers for work on two different networks, so I could access my dashboard at either, plus at home.

With Mind Manager for iPhone, if I was out and about, and came up with a new idea, or an action item, I would park it on this mind map until I could get to it later. If somebody committed to get something to me, it went on here. And, if I committed something to somebody else, it went on here. I referred to it several times a day.

It worked really well for a while. At least, it worked until I didn’t have a job anymore. For some reason, I’m a lot better at tracking lots of information than I am very little information. Once I was removed from my position in November, I didn’t have anything else to track. I haven’t really used this map much since then.

I’m going to dust this map back off as I go about my job search.

Juggling A Lot of (Figurative) Balls? Read This

John Maxwell had a timely post about the balls we keep in the air. It was actually a quote from a commencement address by Bryon Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola Enterprises.

Bryon Dyson compares the roles we fill to glass and rubber balls. Guess what happens to each if it gets dropped? Obviously, rubber bounces. Glass breaks.

He then goes on to say that these 4 balls are glass: family, health, friends, and spirit. Drop these balls and they shatter. They’ll be irreparably damaged.

Work is a rubber ball. Drop it and it will bounce back up. That’s very timely for me right now. My work ball is somewhere between my hand and the ground in this metaphor. But this is right; my work ball isn’t irreparably damaged. It’ll bounce. It will be back in the air again before too long.

Reasons Why Micromanagement is Destructive

Last month, I wrote about "The Return of Micro-MAN-ager". It was about a comic type character that I created in the Navy and thought of again recently at work. I'm in a situation of being micromanaged. I've been wanting to write a post about why micromanagement is destructive. Apparently, it's been suffering the same fate as a post I started on why I don't worry about procrastinating anymore.

I came across a blog post by Ron Edmonson today about why people micromanage. It's pretty much what I would say: fear, insecurity, wrong team, bad vision, and control freak. I think all apply in my situation.

There are situations where micromanagement can be appropriate. I imagine those situations are related to managing teenagers and prisoners. It's not appropriate outside of some limited situations. I don't believe it's appropriate with professionals.

The Return of Micro-MAN-ager

I joined the Navy right out of high school. I served from 1992-1998, from the ages of 18-24. Then I got out and got a “real job”. I’m glad I served, and I’d do it again, but I’m also glad I left active duty when I did. I have a lot of reasons for that.

The military seems geared toward micromanagers. I ran into a lot of micromanagers. I don’t know if it’s just the personalities that stay in the military long enough to make it into managerial positions, or if it’s just the culture. Maybe the military trains its managers to micromanage. Also, I’m willing to bet that the fact the military is made up of younger individuals with little experience plays a part too. I’m sure it’s a combination.

In any event, I resented the micromanagement. There’s a difference in being told WHAT to do and being told EXACTLY HOW, STEP BY STEP to do it, especially if it’s a task that you’re already familiar with.

Why Are Job Descriptions So Poorly Written?

This is something that has always baffled me. When companies need to hire somebody, don’t they want to hire an experienced and talented person? If so, why do they make it so darn hard to figure out what the job actually is?

I like to keep an eye on what opportunities are out there. I wish I’d lived in a time when an employee could expect to stay with one company for an entire career. I don’t. While I do appreciate the company I currently work for, I’m under no illusions that their relationship with me can’t end at any time and for any reason on their part. Loyalty is a wonderful quality, but should not be misplaced.

Where Do We Get The Idea That People Engaged in “Spiritual Work” Are On Another Plane?

On Saturday, Seth Godin posted an entry on his blog titled “Phoning It In.” First, I want to state that I agree with his conclusion that we need passion in our work. We shouldn’t be, as they say in show business, “Phoning our lines in”.

I want to address the start of the post:

I was talking to a religious leader, someone who runs a congregation. She made it clear to me that on many days, it's just a job. A job like any other, you show up, you go through the motions, you get paid.

I guess we find this disturbing because spiritual work should be real, not faked.

I’m curious about where the misconception came from that people engaged in “Spiritual work” exist on some higher plane. I notice that even fairly well-studied believers somehow see pastors and elders and deacons as somehow holier.

Marketing Annoyances

I'm trying to create an entrepreneur's mindset this year. I'm hoping to either find a way to supplement my income by freelancing or to escape cubicle work entirely. I've been studying how other people do things so that when I come up with a product or service idea, I don't make the same mistakes. Here are some of the ways I hope I NEVER use to market to other people. I wish people would stop doing this to me.

Failure to note preferences

I have an account on Barnes & Noble.com. I also have a nook. I get several emails from B&N every week about their specials. That doesn’t bother me. I also get several emails from them every week about how great the nook is and why I should buy one. That does bother me for the following reason: I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE, YOU IDIOTS! How hard would it be to tailor your marketing emails to me based on my user account? Stop sending me product announcements for products I already have.

Last chance!

I'll sign up for almost any free report or free ebook download. I'll especially sign up for any of them that sound like they'll help me meet my goals, like working for myself and not working in a cubicle anymore. However, most smart marketers will offer some information in a free report and try to get you to buy some of their informational products. Some also create "boot camps". If the info in the free report is useful, I’ll assume that the info product is as well. If I learn nothing new from the free material, I’ll assume there’s no reason to pay to learn what I already knew.

Last year, I registered for a "social media teleseminar". It sounded interesting, but didn't include any information I didn't already know. The person who put on the seminar was trying to get people to register for his social media bootcamp. I declined, partly because I can't really afford to drop thousands of dollars on such things right now, even if the investment would pay off hundreds of times over.

Every time this social media bootcamp starts up, I start getting emails about it. OK, no problem; it doesn't take me long to delete them. But they keep coming, almost one every time a seat sells out. "Act now! Only 25 seats remaining in social media bootcamp!" "Act now, only 24 seats remaining in social media bootcamp!"..."Act now! Only 13 seats remaining in social media bootcamp!" I know it's supposed to create a sense of urgency and scarcity, but I find it annoying.

Another Internet marketer that I signed up to receive emails from literally sent THREE "This is absolutely your last chance ever for this offer" emails yesterday. Right. When I take the long term view, I don't believe it. He'll send another "This is your last chance email" out within the next 20 minutes. And another one 20 minutes after that. Then the next week, the same marketing program will be out at the same price for the last chance ever once again.

What's holding you back?

Here's another one I came across recently. I got yet ANOTHER email about a Multi-Level Marketing "opportunity". I sent out a tweet in annoyance that I have no interest in EVER doing MLM AGAIN. I got a contact about autoresponders. I clicked on the link and gave my name and email address and got the free information. OK, great idea, great price. If I had a product or service, I'd jump on the 30 day trial. But I keep getting email after email after email from the autoresponder asking what's holding me back and reminding me about the 30 day free trial. Here's what's holding me back: I don't yet have a product or service that I'm ready to "go live with". When I get one, I'll sign up for the trial. Leave me alone until that point, before I decide NOT to use you when I'm ready.

Oh, come on, there’s a free estimate

This one isn’t Internet related. At least, I haven’t come across it on the Internet. My wife and I went to two Homeshows recently. At the homeshows, the businesses present try to drum up some new business from your needs. They’re obviously trained to overcome objections. At the first Homeshow, I spent so much time dealing with unwanted sales calls that I decided never to give my number out again ever. Don’t call me; I’ll call you. At the second Homeshow, some salespeople did pressure me into giving out my number. Then it got annoying.

I keep getting calls for them to come out. I keep telling them that I’m not ready to commit to doing anything right now. They keep up with the “Oh, just let us meet with you. It’s a free estimate and it’s good for a year”. Right, like I could commit to a $25,000 sunroom being done within a year. Not likely to happen.

I hate being rude, but I started ignoring the calls.

So here's the big question:

I believe that commerce is moral and righteous. Business is a good thing. But can I expect to meet with success in business on the Internet without annoying the crap out of other people? I want to be a success, but I don’t want to be annoying.

Sorry For Acting Like A Jerk, I Had A Bad Day

Have you ever totally blown up with somebody for no good reason? Or have you ever had somebody blow up at you? Then, when (or if) an apology was offered, it was something like "I had a bad day". It's understandable. We all have bad days.

Today was my anniversary. 9 years! Wow. Our babysitting fell through. We ended up taking the kids out to dinner with us. Dinner sucked. We went to Charlie Brown's Steakhouse in Blackwood, NJ. We've enjoyed it numerous times in the past. Apparently, since the last time we were there, they reduced their menu options and raised their prices. I suspect quality may have been lowered as well.

Christina's dinner had something wrong with it. She had to send it back. Mine was so-so. Definitely not worth $14 at whatever inflation level my brain is stuck at. The kids wouldn't behave. Then we had to take them to karate, then to church for AWANA. Now it's late.

As I've gotten older, I came to realize that bad days never get better. I used to live in some mythical belief that once I hit the next milestone, the stress will go away and things will calm down. "Once the baby is sleeping through the night". "Once I finish my degree". "Once we get this bill paid off". Then I'll have time for whatever. Then I won't be stressed out and irritable all the time.

I think I'm finally getting the message that the stress and bad days just won't go away. They only get worse, and come more frequently. And they're no excuse for acting like an asshole. Pardon the language, but I wanted to make a point, if only for myself.

How To Achieve Your Goals: Write Them Every Day

Somewhere in the last two weeks, I came across a tip Brian Tracy put in his email about writing your goals down every day. I saved the email for later, and decided to follow the tip.

Somehow, my brain remembered it as “Write your top 10 goals down every morning”, so I began that day. I’ve had times in the past when I would read my goals out loud every morning, but I’ve never written them, with a pen, daily. I decided to give it a try.

So, every morning, I’d take out my Moleskine and write 10 goals. I somehow managed to get 10 goals out of my head and onto paper, and ran with them for now.

I discovered something interesting. As I wrote my goals out every morning, they began to refine themselves. I realized that 4 goals could be combined into 2 goals, making room for 2 more on my list of 10. I can’t say I’ve had that happen to me. At one point in the past, I set a goal, and after looking at it every day decided “nah, I don’t want to do that” and changed direction.

Then, yesterday, I reread the email from Brian Tracy. This is what the section ACTUALLY said:

Goal Setting
Every morning, take three to five minutes to write out your top goals in the present tense. Get a spiral notebook for this purpose. By writing out your ten goals at the beginning of each day, you will program them deep into your subconscious mind.

I’ve never been good with writing down a desired outcome in the present tense. It always felt kind of hokey to me. But, I have nothing to lose right now. I’d like to see a change of direction in at least one area of my life, specifically, the area of my life that brings in the money. I’m at a low point right now. It’s a long story, and if you’ve followed my last few weeks of entries, you realize that I need to erect some boundaries in what I share with other people. Go ahead and read my back entries through November, then keep going. These blog posts don’t read themselves.

OK, writing goals in the present tense. I decided to try it because I have nothing to lose. I wrote all 10 of my goals in the present tense, as if they already happened (i.e. “I own an iPad”). Just kidding on that one, but you should get the point.

Something strange happened: I looked at my goals in a different light. I reworded a couple of them, but I was forced to consider if more of my goals were really where I wanted to end up. I also realized that looking at my goals in the present tense, 3 of them end up in the same place, so they’re really just the means to the end of a single goal.

Consider this scenario. You set a goal “I want a big house.” Now, look at it in the present tense: “I have a big house”. Think about it. “Uh-oh! I have a big house. Man, this thing takes a lot of time to clean, and it costs a fortune to air condition. I live in New Jersey, and the property taxes are astronomical! Did I really want a house this big?”

It’s hard to describe, but I guess I can say, looking at my goals in the present tense also showed me the consequences of those goals. It made me wonder if that is really where I wanted to end up after all.

I’m going to keep up with this exercise and see where it ends up. Hopefully, it ends up with my goals met.

What about you? What techniques do you use to set and meet your goals? Have you tried writing them every day in the present tense?

What Exactly Is The Point To Small Talk?

Recently, in the middle of typing out a blog post, I had an epiphany. It was about small talk. I’d always known that when people ask you “How’s it going?”, they usually have no interest in how “it’s going” for you. They just want a generic answer from you.

It hadn’t actually occurred to me that any questions beyond “How’s it going?” fell under the same conditions.

I’ve started to wonder if I have Asperger’s syndrome in at least a small degree. Penelope Trunk has been writing about it lately. I’m not “that bad”, but I do tend to have a poor grasp of some social customs. Like, if you ask me how it’s going, I want to actually tell you how it’s going, even if it’s going bad. In my mind, if you didn’t want to hear it, you wouldn’t have asked.

I also wonder if my mom had some form of Asperger’s. She was far worse than me. Either I learned social interaction from her the wrong way, or we both had some form of Asperger’s. Not much I can do about it now.

Back to the point of this post, I have to wonder, what is the point to small talk? If we ask each other how we’re doing but we’re not supposed to care how each other are doing because we’re not really friends, then what’s the point?

Think about it: this could revolutionize church, the workplace, children’s activities, just about anything. I hope I never pull this off, but consider this scenario:

Casual acquaintance: Hey, how’s it going?

Me (or you): Look, you don’t really care how I’m doing, and I don’t really care how you’re doing. You’re just asking me for pointless small talk, not to build a relationship. Let’s just save ourselves the trouble.

That’s kind of ugly. I guess we’re all better off enduring the pointless small talk. But I still wonder what the point is.

Here’s what I’ll do to improve myself: rather than use small talk to run the conversation like I usually do, I will attempt to use each small talk to learn something about the person subjecting me to the pointless small talk.

What about you? Are you willing to either cut out the pointless small talk, or try to redirect it into something productive, like forming real relationships with other people?

The Most Useless Career Advice

There’s a piece of career advice going around lately that I find useless. It’s comparable to frugality tips like “Just spend less than you make” or health tips like “Just burn more calories than you eat”.

It’s not that the advice isn’t sound in at least a few ways. It’s just that it’s what everybody says. To me, that makes it useless. It doesn’t add anything to the conversation. It sure as heck doesn’t add anything to my career.

The useless advice?

“If you have a job in this economy, just stay in it. You’re lucky to have it.”

Like I said, I hear it from everybody. I know it. Telling me (or anybody else) that piece of advice doesn’t help. I know that having a job, even a bad one, is a good thing in this economy.

Pareto Analysis

Have you ever heard of the Pareto Principle? Pareto was an Italian economist who came up with an analysis stating that 20% of the people held 80% of the wealth.

Since then, the Pareto Principle has been applied in a lot of ways. I commonly hear about it in books and on websites related to lifehacking.

Since being removed from a position in November, I’ve finally reached a point of having to take a long, hard look at my life. Also, last week, I listened to The Four Hour Workweek 2 1/2 times, where I was reminded of the 80/20 principle.

Lately, as I look at my life, I realize that I’ve committed a drastic error. I’ve structured my life so that I’ve been really busy. I’ve had a huge backlog of things to do. But I committed the error in that my quest to be busy has left me doing things that didn’t make me effective.

I’ve reached a point of consuming information for the sake of consuming information. I have to spend a great deal of time each day consuming information. But how much of it is valuable? Very little.

So, I’m going to look at several of my information streams from this way: which 20% gives me 80% of my value? I’ll probably do the same thing with the podcasts I listen to. I’ve already streamlined both of these fire hoses in the past, but not far enough.

I have a rack full of magazines and newsletters that I’m hard pressed to find time to read. Don’t get me started on the eBooks I’ve downloaded.

And so, as I start to streamline my life in 2010, I’m going to trim some fat. I’m going to have to stop following several blogs and information sources, and I’m going to have to stop listening to several podcasts. I also have to decide which aspects of where I spend my time mean the most to me.

What about you? Do you have any excesses in your life that need to be dealt with? Where can you start?

For Such A Time As This

I had a thought recently. I was listening to one of the many podcasts I try to cram into a week. One of the guests claimed that he really should have lived during the American Revolution.

I can’t say, at least since my teen years, that I’ve ever thought I belonged somewhere else. At one point, probably because of a cheesy movie I rented one summer vacation before I had my driver’s license, that I might have enjoyed living in the 1950’s.

Not so anymore. I don’t claim any Biblical, like, Ester type prophesy about being born “for such a time as this”, but I definitely feel like I’m living in the correct era. Sure, we face all kinds of financial and political challenges that are, frankly, terrifying. But as an engineer and a computer geek, and as an amateur historian and philosopher, I think I’m living in the right time.

How ‘bout you? Do you belong in 2010? Or do you wish (or “feel like”) you should have lived in another time? Which time was it?

Is It Realistic To Be "Happy With What You Have"?

I met my wife when I was 25. Prior to that, I was that loser "nice guy" who complained about not being able to meet girls. When I had friends who complained about their wives or girlfriends, I'd tell them that they should be happy they have someone to complain about.

I think we all have an area of our lives that we're unhappy with, yet there is always somebody around to tell us that we should be happy with it. "I don't like my job" is answered by "Well, at least you have a job. You should be happy that you have a job".

On some levels, we should be content with what we have. But on other levels, doesn't some discontentment drive us on to better things? If you don't like your job, shouldn't that drive you to get a better one? If you don't like your neighborhood, shouldn't that drive you to move to a better one?

Is it really smart to stay in a job you don't like just because there are people who don't have jobs?

When I was a kid, my mom was a really bad cook. Yes, we talked about it after I grew up. She knew she wasn't very good at cooking, and my dad liked his food incredibly bland, which is what she cooked for. I like lots of flavor. When my mom cooked something that I couldn't eat, (seriously, I grew up thinking lasagna was horrible!) I'd be told "You should eat that. There are starving kids in Africa". I always suggested we send my mom's cooking to Africa and let me make a sandwich.

I'm not sure there are any hard and fast rules to govern the situations where you should be content with your situation and when you should strive for better. I think if you exercise wisdom and caution, you should be all right. If you don't like your car, but you have to place your family in financial peril to make the payments on a new one, then you should probably be content with your car. If you don't like your house, but you have to take up a sub-prime Adjustable Rate (Rape) Mortgage (ARM) to get a better one, then you should probably be content with what you have for now. If you don't like your spouse, I can't help you in this post, but I have come across some interesting thoughts on love that I might share in another if anybody will actually read it. It helped me a lot.

If you don't like your job, I'm all in favor of bettering yourself and getting a better job. I've done it a few times myself. There are ALWAYS jobs out there. Yes, even in the Great Depression there were jobs. 30% unemployment means 70% employment. You just have to stand out a little better to get a job in those situations, but they're out there.

I guess "be content with what you have" could function as a general guiding principle by which to live your life, but it shouldn't be considered a law of behavior.

I think I've rambled on enough and not given enough answers. What about you? What rules do you have for when you should be content and when you should strive to improve?

Drive Safe...

Though I hardly ever stick to the topic, I chose the name "The Stand-up Philosopher" for this blog because I sometimes like to ask questions about the way the world works and the way the world is (or should be). I actually chose the title from a scene in Mel Brooks' "History of the World Part I", but I kind of like the idea of asking questions and provoking thought and challenging mindless conventional wisdom.

Some of my favorite questions so far have to do with should you really expect to get rich by winning the lottery, does watching TV really cause short attention spans, and is the Internet doing something to our brains besides making us think it's doing something to our brains.

I was going through my email recently. I sign up for a lot of email lists. Sometimes I just can't resist the "free report" being offered, or I think the newsletter will actually give me valuable information. I'm usually wrong, but often these free newsletters don't annoy me enough to bother unsubscribing. One really set off my "stand up philosopher" instincts though. The newsletter began with "I just wanted to remind you to drive safe this weekend" before launching into the marketing spiel for the guy's affiliate program. I deleted the email.

Why do we remind each other to drive safe upon parting? I've always wondered about that. Yes, I'm just as guilty as most of you at filling silence with words. It's the typical "I don't know what else to say but I can't let you leave without another parting comment, so I'll just say 'drive safe!'"

But really, does that add value to the relationship? Does it add value to the drive? Have you ever been in a situation in which you would stop in your tracks and grab the person in a bear hug and say something like "Thank you so much! I would have driven totally unsafe had you not reminded me to drive safe!"

Sometimes I wish we could some up with better social niceties to exchange than the ones we normally use.

I guess while we're on the subject of driving, let's address those emails our organizations like to send out around holidays reminding employees not to drink and drive. I've been around long enough to know that most people who drink and drive don't do it because a vice president of the company forgot to send out an email on Friday reminding them not to drink and drive. They also don't do it because NBC forgot to run a "The more you know" spot on Thursday.

I tend to avoid drinking and driving BECAUSE IT'S DANGEROUS AND ILLEGAL, not because the sub-vice President of administrative affairs forgot to send an email reminding me not to drink and drive.

What do you think? What social niceties could you use as a parting comment rather than "Drive safe!"?

Attention to Detail: It Could Save Your Life

I had a brief exchange on Facebook with a friend and former shipmate of mine. It brought back memories. During the course of the discussion, he sent me a link to a write up about a fire that occurred on the ship we served together on, the U.S.S. White Plains (AFS-4).

The fire occurred in 1989. I served on the ship from 94-95, and was part of the decommissioning crew.
As part of the fire, 6 people died. The article says 161 were injured.

In boot camp, they beat the phrase "attention to detail" into our heads. I have no idea how many of us came away from that experience committed to a life of "attention to detail". I can tell you that most of my failures came from a lack of attention to detail. 

The reason for the mainspace fire on the White Plains was a lack of attention to detail. It also came from not following standard procedures. There is more to the story than the article says, although it captures the important details. For some reason, we had the JAG investigation report in the CIWS shop where I worked. I read it. It was fascinating reading, and even involved an officer physically threatening men who refused to throw defective parts over the side of the ship to cover up the failure. I believe the report said that officer was convicted and served time in Leavenworth. The Captain and Chief Engineer were relieved.

One thing that always threw me for a loop was that while I was onboard the ship, we drilled that fire over and over and over again. OK, I was only involved in that my space lost air conditioning for the several hours it took to get the engineering plant back online, but in the South Pacific, that's torture. Seriously, it's hot! A gas turbine engine starts up about as fast as a car, but it takes hours to get a steam plant back online. When the White Plains drilled that mainspace fire, they'd kill the plant, let the ship switch to emergency diesel, and run through that fire scenario. Part of the problem during the original fire is that the ship only drilled one scenario, and as good as the fire party and engineers were, they weren't trained for anything but the one scenario they did. I always wondered why we drilled that one fire so much. I always figured if the ship had another mainspace fire, it wouldn't be a duplicate of the '89 fire. That's the military for you though. It seems like rather than preparing for the future, you spend more time not repeating the mistakes of the past.

After leaving the White Plains, I spent 3 years on the U.S.S. Oldendorf (DD-972), a Spruance Class destroyer. I was onboard that ship from 95-98 when I left the Navy. It was during a time when the Navy was transitioning from a Cold War mentality to a Persian Gulf mentality. I watched senior officers and enlisted men who spent entire careers preparing to fight the Russians try to switch mentalities to a Middle Eastern conflict. It was an interesting time.

Making A Difference: Finding The Right Communication Language

Maurilio Amorim has a post on his Making A Difference Blog about Finding the Right Communication Language. He says that over the years, he's identified 5 different communication languages. He categorizes them as follows:

    1. The Verbal Processor.

    2. The ADD.

    3. The ADD Texter.

    4. The Mental Processor.

    5. The Face-to-Face Feeler.

You can read the descriptions of each of these on his blog post.

I figure I'm a cross between The Verbal Processor and The ADD Texter. I tend to think out loud a lot while I'm processing my thoughts. This drives Christina (my wife) nuts. I also am often happier interfacing with other people (even Christina) through email and text. No, I'm not obsessive about this. I realize that a lot of communication (especially with Christina) must be carried out in person. Just this morning, I got an email asking a question, and I immediately realized that I'd be much better off meeting in person to discuss the issue because dealing with it over email would be clumsy.

If these communication languages were laid out on the Chinese Zodiac, I'd probably be warned to avoid The ADD and The Face-to-Face Feeler. I score very highly on ADD tests, and I tend to ramble off topic myself, but I don't communicate very well with others who do the same thing. I also tend to resent dealing with people who HAVE to meet in person over an issue that could be settled with 3 text messages. I had a person like that in some of my classes at the University of Phoenix. She was very smart and a hard worker, but sometimes couldn't get moving on a learning team project unless everybody dropped their lives and drove into center city Philadelphia, paid excessive amounts for parking, and sat around a coffee shop. We usually got her to settle for a teleconference, but when that wasn't possible, we could never get an early start on our learning team projects.

Which communication language do you speak? Which communication language do you find yourself to be least compatible with?

Book Review: Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham

Find Your Strongest Life is subtitled “What the Happiest Women Do Differently”.

What am I doing reading a book for women? Partly, commitment. Earlier this year, I decided to read a minimum of 3 books for women in an attempt to understand my wife better. When Thomas Nelson offered this book through their Book Review Bloggers program, I figured it would help me work toward that goal. I also figured that I know a few women who might benefit from the book, and if I read through it and reviewed it, I could then pass it on.

Will this book be a benefit to women? I don’t know. That’s not because I don’t find the quality of the writing or content to be good. I’m just saying I don’t know. I know enough about women to know that I should stay out of trying to predict them. I hope the book is a benefit to women.

You Ever Tell Your Kids Something That Gets Thrown Back in Your Face?

This was painful. I’ve been telling my kids for a long time that “accidents don’t happen when you pay attention to what you’re doing”. I started this when they were toddlers and would knock cups off the table, resulting in a mess that I had to clean up. I still tell them this. When one of them falls off a chair because he wasn’t sitting in it right, I again remind them that “accidents don’t happen when you pay attention to what you’re doing”.

We threw out a couch yesterday. The kids broke it, and it was no good to us. We needed to replace it. We went to a consignment shop today and found a chair that would make a good temporary replacement. We went with a chair because it would fit in my minivan. To buy a couch, we’d have to drop the kids off, take the seats out, etc. Mostly, we just buy cheap stuff, or try to find something free on Craig’s List. Couches in our house don’t seem to last longer than 6 months or a year. We’ll stick to cheap stuff until the kids leave for college. Then we’ll have something nice until we have grandchildren, then we’ll just go back to cheap stuff again.

Making A Difference: Are You An Owner?

Maurilio Amorim asked this question on his Making A Difference blog: Are You An Owner? The question doesn’t have to do with whether you own a business or the company that you work for, but with whether or not you take ownership. In whatever it is that you do to put money in the bank (and then spend it all), do you take ownership? Do you act like an owner or a worker?

I should be ashamed to say that I haven’t always behaved like an owner. I’ve usually been more of a worker. I show up, I do my job, and I go home. I’ve had times when I did my job as well as I could, and other times when I may have slacked off a little too much. Very rarely have I taken ownership, although the last few years I’ve been working on it.

Maurilio says:

This is not a legal distinction, but a psychological one. Interestingly, some business owners behave like managers or workers doing what's required of them and completely disconnecting from their jobs once the clock hits 5 p.m. Some hirelings whose heart and passion for their performance cause them operate more like owners. The more owners you have in your organization, the more successful you'll be, I'm convinced.

Do you take ownership for your job? In what ways do you take ownership? If you don’t take ownership, what is one thing you could do on your next workday to take ownership? If you actually own a business, or are self-employed, do you behave like an owner?

Price and Value

I’ve done some reading on self-improvement and productivity. I’ve read quite a few books and blogs on the subjects. I’ve also signed up for email newsletters from people like Dan Miller and Brian Tracy. I also downloaded a bunch of samples of Nightingale-Conant books.

I routinely get emails from these companies, as well a The David Allen Company, Dr. Steven Covey, and plenty of others for products, seminars, GTD Connect, etc. I’d love to have each of them, but there’s always that one glaring issue: money. Dan Miller announced a new product in May. You can buy it for $4, but the total cost is $197. A GTD Connect membership is $48 a month. I’m afraid to spend that much money on products like this. I also routinely get emails from Brian Tracy about new products that are available from his store and his affiliates. All of them are advertised to help me to achieve my goals and succeed.

When it comes to products like this, however, I’m not only afraid to spend the money, I’m almost afraid not to spend the money. What if the $48/mo GTD connect membership helped me to bring in $50 or more a month? What if Dan Miller’s $197 product really did help me to achieve a 6 figure income?

Ramit Sethi has a post in his archive that addresses this to a point. He says that if a $200 dinner lands him a $50,000 project, then it was worth it.

There’s a difference between Ramit and me though. Ramit has an entrepreneurial mindset. I don’t (yet). I’m trying to learn, but how do you learn an entire new way of thinking? For one thing, I’m trying to listen to entrepreneurs lately. I read their blogs. I buy their books. I listen to their podcasts.

That of course brings out the problem of separating the wheat from the chaff. In the field of success literature, there are plenty of snakes. In some fields, there is more money to be made in selling books to people about being successful than there is in actually being successful in those fields. Watch some of the paid advertising on the Discovery Channel or TruTV early in the morning. “Make millions in Real Estate with no money down, no experience, and no actual work!”

John T. Reed has a “Real Estate BS Artist Detection Checklist” that can help. It’s applicable to just about any area where beginners are an easy target for “gurus”. If you're a novice in certain areas, it makes you an easy target for the snakes. It's much harder to discern the snakes from the real experts who can teach you something useful for your money.

Have you ever bought a product hoping it would help you to be successful, only to find yourself ripped off with a bunch of "rah-rah" motivational platitudes and no constructive help?

or

Have you ever spent money on one of these product to find that it delivered to you a value much greater than the cost of the product?

How To Become Patient

On Sunday I wrote about patience. If you read it (and thank you for being a reader if you did), maybe you were left wondering something like “Oh, you want me to become patient. That’s nice. How? Is this like Chevy Chase’s line in Caddyshack: ‘Be the ball, Danny. Be the ball’?”

No. Not exactly.

If patience is a discipline, then there should be some objective ways to practice patience, just as you would practice music, or regularly workout while getting in shape. Our patience, or lack of patience, can be broken down into habits and behaviors. We’ve learned these, and in most cases we can unlearn them while learning new habits and behaviors.

I have no idea how far any of us are capable of changing in the area of patience. Honestly, I don’t. But I bet that any of us are capable of at least a little bit of change.

Do You Want To… How To Ask People To Do Things

Do you ever stop and think about the way you make requests of other people? I find that I get really annoyed over the way that I’m asked to do things. I know that the person asking is trying to be polite, but let’s stop and think about how this sounds.

Do you want to…?

About 3 jobs ago, I worked a job in support for software development. I worked at a large development site. As the equipment being developed there progressed, some new procedures were created. At one point, one hard drive would hold several different loads, but I guess for configuration control purposes, it was decided that each load being tested had to be maintained on a different hard drive. Then for each load, suddenly we had to maintain separate hard drives for engineering loads and for QA loads. This led to excessive swapping out of hard drives, and my office was tasked with this chore. I hated it. It took a long time and wasn’t pleasant work. The hard drives were located in consoles and the access was on the floor. We had to check out all the drives, cart them to the rooms, shut down the consoles, pull out the old drives, insert the new drives, and reinitialize all the consoles. We had to scoot along on the floor and I often banged my head on keyboard tray of the consoles. Because the engineers we supported often weren’t capable of planning, we had to do this several times a day. They’d often want to load up one set of drives to run for 10 minutes, then switch to the other to run for 10 minutes. It sucked.

One day, we had a request to change over. My supervisor looked at me and asked “Do you want to switch the drives over?” I stopped for a minute and thought about that. I honestly didn’t hear an order. I didn’t even hear a request. What I heard was my supervisor asking me about my preferences. I answered honestly. “No”.

His jaw dropped. Seriously, the expression on his face would have been worth getting fired over. I gave it a second or to to sit in. I realized that he probably didn’t think about HOW he asked me to do something. He probably thought he was being nice. But in truth, I was far more annoyed by the way he asked me to do something than if he’d just given me an order like we were both still in the Navy. After his jaw started to come up, I told him “No, I don’t want to swap the drives out, but if you ask me to do it, I will. You asked me if I wanted to do it, not if I would do it.”

You can get me…

This is one of my wife’s favorite ways to ask me to do something. “I bought 16 tons of flour at Sam’s. You can carry it in from the car.” My wife also likes to ask if I “want” to do something, as in “Do you want to carry 16 tons of crap from my last run to the store in from the car?”, but I’m slowly teaching her that approach doesn’t work with me. My wife and I, just today, had a discussion over this when she told me “You can get me what’s in the microwave.” I was still just a little annoyed from “You can clear the table after lunch”.

What’s the point to this blog post?

Think about HOW you ask or tell people to do things. You’re not likely to deal with a wise-ass like me, but just in case you end up as my boss, just think about it. Honestly, I don’t think you’re being polite by asking me if I “want” to do a task, or notifying me that I’ve been bestowed with the distinct honor of being able to perform the task. Personally, I think it’s pretentious if not downright rude. “You can clean up the mess I made” seems like I’m being treated like a servant, not as an equal or as a professional. “Do you want to” makes you look like a wuss in my eyes. It tells me that you don’t have the courage to simply tell me to do something.

If you routinely have to tell people to perform tasks, just do it. Don’t pussyfoot around like a weak-minded fool. It’s annoying.

Of course, there's always the polite request, which is what I believe most people are after. "Can you help me...?" or "Would you please?" "Can you please?" There is nothing wrong with making a polite request. I'm just saying in this post that I find "Do you want to" and "You can do this" to be rude and pretentious.

Management Perspective From a Non-Manager: Incentive

I work for two organizations. Each one has it’s own requirements, and sometimes they get really annoying, especially when I’m trying to get work done. I used to do these on time every time, but I recently stopped because I found that I had no incentive.

1) Weekly Reports

These are annoying. Every week, in addition to getting work done, I’m supposed to deliver a weekly report of what I’ve done. I did this every week, on-time, for months. Every time we had a team meeting, the entire group would get a butt-chewing for not turning in weekly reports. All sorts of incentives and threats were issued to the team in an effort to get everybody to turn in reports. At one point, if you didn’t do a report, you would have to buy each team member the soda of his or her choice.

I made sure that, no matter what, I got my report in every single week. Then I noticed that, not only was nobody else doing it, but I hadn’t gotten a single soda. I realized that not only did I have no incentive to turn in my reports, but there was also an empty threat on the other end. Since nobody else had been disciplined (except for the group butt-chewings), there was no point in doing the work. I pretty much quit turning in a weekly report. To hell with it. I was also a little bit upset at getting chewed out with the rest of the group for not turning in a report when I ACTUALLY DID TURN IT IN EVERY WEEK!

2) Timesheets

Same goes for timesheets. Every time I attend a team meeting, my manager bitches everybody out for not completing timesheets on time. At one meeting, I was getting tired of getting chewed out with everybody else even though my timesheet is always turned in on time. I commented, and was told to quit being so defensive. Get bent.

Managers, since most of you seem to have reached your position by not reading a single book or attending a single class or even having a single pep talk by a senior manager on how to actually manage people, here’s my mentoring tip to you: When you chew out the entire group for not doing something, please recognize the one or two people who do it right. Really, when you get involved in the group ass chewing, there’s no incentive to do it right anyway, except for pride or honor, but you can only milk that for so long.

One Degree Makes All The Difference

This is an interesting and inspirational film. Go ahead and take 3 minutes out of your day to watch it. It makes a great point based around the difference in one degree of water and how you can apply it to your own pursuit of greatness.

At 211 degrees, water is just hot water. At 212 degrees, it boils and begins to turn to steam. Steam can power machinery. It’s very impressive. It also covers how small the margin of victory is in some sports. It’s usually off by something that could be considered one degree.

What will it take for you to achieve one more degree?

Book Review: Put Your Dream to the Test by John Maxwell

It’s taken me about 2 months to read this book and write this book review. I hate to think how many good books have gone through Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Bloggers program while I’ve been working on this one. Shortly after receiving the hardcover from Thomas Nelson, I found the Kindle version was available for free for a limited time, so I downloaded that in the hopes that I could read the book faster. Sadly, I’ve been through a busy period of life, and even having the Kindle version of this book on my iPhone hasn’t gotten me through it any faster than I’d hoped.

I finally finished today, and therefore, here is my review. Thomas Nelson’s product page for the book is here.

To date, I haven’t paid much attention to John Maxwell. I’m sure that I’ve been missing out because of it. My church did a class once on his workbook for “The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork” and I took his “Developing The Leader Within You” book from the church library to read once. I have begun following John Maxwell’s blog and his Twitter feed. In a very short time, I’ve come to wonder if I somehow handicapped my future by not acquiring more of John Maxwell’s books earlier in life.

The Benefits of Professional Membership?

The company that I work for pays for one professional membership. Last year, I attended a presentation about the American Society of Naval Engineers, and decided to join using that paid membership.

Yesterday, my department had an In Service day. We were all encouraged to attend. Many of us had a lot of work, but as our Department Head said "Your work will be waiting for you tomorrow."

I paid $10 for the catered lunch and ordered the Chicken Ceaser wrap. What I got wasn't a wrap; it was on a bun. It was decent, but I wonder how it was $10. That's beside the point. During lunch, a presentation about "The benefits of professional society membership" was to be given. I bet it was interesting, but I elected to carry my lunch back to my desk to check email and try to get a little bit of work done.

Father’s Day Is Tomorrow. Are You Excited?

I’m not. I have a few reasons. I’m sure I’ll get up and find some cards and presents on the table. I like presents. My wife has a habit of throwing cards out as soon as they’re read, which makes me wonder what the point to them is. I normally keep them, but after a while I start to wonder why. I’m trying to reduce some clutter in my life, and I don’t know what to keep anymore and what to toss.

After that, we’ll go to church. I can’t say that I know for sure what the sermon will be. Steve is preaching (Dr. Steve Sikes- a wonderful man and awesome minister) but I don’t know what the topic will be.

We make a huge deal in our culture about motherhood. Mothers are honored. Fathers, it’s sort of another story. On Mother’s Day, we get sermons about some of the great mothers in the Bible. On Father’s Day, we sometimes get to hear about the fathers who are absent or do a horrible job. Sometimes we don’t even get a sermon about fathers.

Random: Tim Ferriss and Kevin Rose Discuss Their Top 5 Must-Read Books

I finally got time to watch this. Tim Ferriss of The 4 Hour Work Week and Kevin Rose of Digg (and many other ventures) discussed their top 5 Must-Read Books on an episode of their Random video podcast.

I’m a total book geek, which annoys my wife to no end, and I always enjoy hearing about the books that other people have been influenced by. Books are a great way to capture and spread ideas. I love ideas and information. There are many media for spreading these, but books are the best for larger ideas especially over long periods of time.

Whenever I come across somebody who has met with some success in life, I’m always interested in what books influenced them. What ideas inspired them to achieve? What ideas can carry me further in life?

Dan Miller said that everybody he knows who has been successful has two books in common: Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” and Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People”. Interesting combination. Dan said that he’s never met a successful person who hasn’t read those two books (among many, many others). I have no idea why this is, but I’ve recently dug my copies out and started reading them again. I dismissed them years ago as brainwashing tools of Multi-Level Marketing/Motivating groups, but perhaps they have some utility away from the” big A” MLM group.

What would you consider to be your top 5 books? I might have to start a post on mine.

 

Reclaiming the Mind: Doing Business with Christians

C. Michael Patton asks an interesting question: have you ever been burned doing business with Christians? I think the question was directed more toward believers, but I’m sure most people in the west have stories. We’re notoriously picky diners and cheap tippers on Sunday afternoon right after church. I’ve heard horror stories about how waitresses are somehow expected to feed their families with those contrived Chick tracts rather than like money. My wife and I go out of our way to leave good tips on Sunday. If they don’t suspect we’re Christian, under the circumstances, we can live with that.

I’m not sure if I can say I’ve been burned by another believer, at least, not any more than I’ve been burned by anybody I’ve done business with. Have you ever done business with somebody who went out of his or her way to make sure you knew that he or she was a Christian, then either delivered a substandard product or service or just plain ripped you off?

What Is A Community? How Is A Community Lead? (AONC)

I came across a great post this morning by Chris Gullibeau about communities. This is probably the best, most concise definition I've read of what it means to have and to lead a community.

I think it also helps me to understand partly why my blog has never managed to go anywhere. Sure, I've written almost 600 posts and gained some valuable experience, but my readership never took off. I think the reason why is because this blog has always been about me. That's fine, because it's my blog. But then again, who are "we" in the context of my blog? What community could I write for?

I better figure that out. In the meantime, read Chris' awesome post.

High Pressure Sales: Is This Really Lying?

My wife and I bought a timeshare in Virginia Beach last year, and went on our first timeshare exchange this week. We went to Williamsburg, Virginia. We like Virginia. I travel to a couple of locations in Virginia for work, and I always enjoy it. The people are friendly and the hospitality is awesome. Let's face it, New Jersey license plates don't say "The hospitality state". Even in restaurants where the service is slow, it's still friendly, which sure beats the slow and apathetic service we get in some places in New Jersey (like the Lindenwold and Blackwood-Clementon McDonald's).

I knew from reading reviews of this resort that we'd be invited to a meal and then have to sit through a sales presentation. I thought about getting out of it, but they have ways... We went to it on Wednesday. I wouldn't say it was incredibly high-pressure, but they did use some tactics that I find questionable, and every time these tactics are used on me, I always wonder if I'm being lied to.

Dishonesty From The Start Is a Poor Sales Practice

Last year I spent a week in Virginia for work. I ended up being able to get an ocean front suite in Virginia Beach within what I could be reimbursed for, so I brought the family with me. While we were there, we of course got invited to a timeshare presentation. We figured we'd eat the free breakfast, take the tour, listen to the pitch, then fight like heck to get out of there.

Yes, I am uncomfortable with taking free breakfasts and other gifts when I have no intention of buying. We like VA Beach, so we were intersested in what they had to say although we figured it would be priced out of reality for us. Somehow, it wasn't. They had a unit within a reasonable price, and it includes a deed, so my wife was interested and we bought in.

We're currently on our first exchange to Williamsburg, VA. The resort we're staying at wants us to have a free meal, then take a tour of a model and then take a survey. As usual, they claim there will be no pressure. I'm not sure. I read in some reviews of this resort that even if you already own a unit somewhere else, they will try very hard to get us to switch to a unit here. That won't happen. At least as we understand things, a VA Beach unit gives us some power in exchanges. We also like VA Beach, so we're not giving that up.

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. I'm writing this post on my iPhone from my temporary headquarters in Williamsburg, Va. We're on a long awaited vacation.

We spent Saturday night in Virginia Beach. As we walked around, we stopped in a discount ticket store. I was wearing my yellow Navy T-shirt that I bought at Steve & Barry's. I was asked by one of the men there if I was in the Navy. I replied that I had been, and I work indirectly for the Navy. He wished me a happy Veteran's Day, and we had a discussion about getting them backwards. I admit I've done it myself. I use the two interchageably.

Later on, it hit me what the difference is. Both days do observe similar purposes. The best way I can put it is that on Veteran's Day we recognize those who served and made it back home. On Memorial Day, we honor those who didn't make it back.

Dealing With An Introverted Nature

I'll be transparent about something: I'm not very comfortable in crowds of people that I don't know. I don't mind being in groups of people that I've known and am comfortable with, but I'm really uncomfortable around people I don't know.

I can't help but wonder why. I really can't name many times when being around a group of strangers resulted in a bad experience. Normally, once somebody breaks the ice, I get along fine with everybody.

I had just such an experience today. This was the first day of our vacation. My wife likes to take the kids to the pools in hotels. I don't like hotel pools. They're usually crowded, and I don't know anybody, so of course I'm uncomfortable and awkward. When we first got to the pool, it was crowded. Two kids were throwing a ball around, which took up a lot of room. I just hid in the corner.

Sooner or later, the ball started going out of bounds, so I hit it back in. Suddenly, I was having fun. The woman who was the mother of the boys throwing the ball started talking to us, and suddenly I was comfortable.

I need to remember, if I want to live a successful life with all of my roles in balance, that I'm going to have to trust strangers more. I'm going to have to be more outgoing in these situations.

What about you? Are you the classic extrovert, who will talk to anybody? Or are you like me, an introvert who wants to be more extroverted, but has to remain true to his (or her) nature?

Merlin Mann on Priorities

Merlin Mann has an interesting post on priorities. I see a lot of myself in this post. Consider the following excerpt:

Example. When my daughter falls down and screams, I don’t ask her to wait while I grab a list to determine which of seven notional levels of “priority” I should assign to her need for instantaneous care and affection. Everything stops, and she gets taken care of. Conversely — and this is really the important part — everything else in the universe can wait.

I’ve gotten caught up in “prioritizing” tasks. I’d be embarrassed to show you how many “high-priority” tasks in my own list remain undone after a pretty long amount of time.

The Gift of Perspective: Review of Andy Andrews’ “The Noticer”

I have greatly enjoyed being part of Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Bloggers program. I had just requested and started reading John Maxwell’s “Put Your Dream to the Test” when I got an email stating that Thomas Nelson was promoting an upcoming release of a new book by Andy Andrews called “The Noticer”. They had three hundred copies and would release them to the first three hundred bloggers to respond to the email who were willing to commit to read and review the book, but post the reviews all on April 27, the date of the release. I figured that might be a tall order, but my path cleared for me. I found out that the Kindle version of John Maxwell’s book was free for a few days, so I downloaded that to my iPhone. I like electronic copies of books. I seem to be able to read them faster, and I also have more opportunities to read an eBook. I always have my phone on me, while it’s not always convenient to carry a physical book. The first obstacle, reading two physical books mostly at home, was overcome. With the Kindle version, I found time to read at work, at Chuck E Cheese, and at a food auction.

The next hurdle, time, worked out on its own. My wife was making ham pie at her parents’ house, and I came home from work. Since she was out, she thought I should work late. There was plenty of work to do and extra pay is always nice, but I couldn’t take another second in my cubicle, so I came home. I picked up the book, and started reading. I’m normally a slow reader. I read about the pace I could read out loud. I have learned various scanning techniques to read faster, but I don’t retain as much, so I go at my pace. (Update: after reading the hard copy in the afternoon, I visited Thomas Nelson’s product page to get details for the book and discovered that there is an electronic edition. Oh, well, I can read it again on my iPhone later.)

The Noticer had a lot of hype surrounding it. I hoped to find that it lived up to the hype. Thomas Nelson CEO, Michael Hyatt, had send out several tweets and even wrote a blog post based around the book.

I normally avoid this type of genre. I’m wary of “inspirational” books. I find it to be the kind of market that is easily flooded by BS artists who make people feel really good but add little value to their lives, or at least to my life. Once the inspiration wears off, I’m left holding my life with no new tools but mindless clichés to show for it. But I am a book geek, and there’s a strange thrill for me in having a book that hasn’t been released yet, and I did commit to read and review it, so I dug in. Oh, yeah, I also tend to *cough, cough* be brought to tears a little too easily by emotional material. My wife is mean to me when we watch those kind of movies together.

First, the technical details. The Noticer is a hardcover, jacketed book with 176 pages. MSRP is $17.99. Amazon has it listed for $12.23.

The story centers around Orange Beach, Alabama. It is mostly told in the first person of Andy, I assume Andy Andrews, the author, and his encounters with an old man, Jones, as Jones’ encounters with other weave through the story. The story begins with Andy as a homeless kid of about 20 living under a pier. Jones encounters him, somehow knowing everything about him. Jones speaks about how everybody needs a little perspective, and leaves Andy with three biographies. These inspire Andy, and Jones leaves him three more. Andy begins going to the library, eventually reading more than 200 biographies and going on to a successful life. The story then skips a decade or so, with Andy in his successful life with a wife and two children. He encounters Jones again.

The rest of the book consists of Jones somehow showing up to several different people in different situations, giving them a new perspective and changing their lives. Jones is somehow nobody in particular. He is, I guess we could say, all things to all people. The whites call him Jones. The Hispanics call him Garcia. The Chinese call him Chen. He always somehow manages to show up in each person’s life when they need perspective. I guess I should not give away the ending.

I would like to discuss the format and my own opinions, as this is my review and my blog. Don’t worry, I liked the book and I think you should read it. The Noticer is a very quick and easy read. I read a few pages before work on a Friday and finished the book in a couple of hours that afternoon while I had some time alone. It’s a very quick read even for a slow reader like myself.

The format of The Noticer is a story. Stories can be very powerful. Jesus spoke in parables as a means of teaching because it is very powerful. It cuts to the heart, yet it can also be used to conceal some things from blind eyes, and to cut right to the hearts of the open eyes. Stories can be a powerful and effective way to get a point across. I have learned a lot from books such as Johnny Tremain, a fictional account of the time of the American Revolution. It was obviously fictional, but an insight into life and events in those days. Sometimes I wish someone like Tom Clancy could be hired to write tech manuals. Come on, you’d read your printer manual if it were centered around a socio/political techno thriller. I learn a lot from stories. Of course, stories can also be used to lead someone astray. You have to be careful on the journey of a story exactly where you’re being led. I do not feel any such misleading in The Noticer.

I’m sure that of all the characters and situations Jones moves through in The Noticer, you’ll most likely find one that you identify with. I didn’t identify with all, but quite a few  left me putting my glasses aside to wipe my eyes on my shirt and hope my wife didn’t suddenly come home to pick on me. One day I’m going to find a book or movie that makes her cry…I believe I gleaned a lot from The Noticer. I will say that one line I hope stays with me forever is this, from page 65: “One way to define wisdom is the ability to see, into the future, the consequences of your choices in the present.” That is powerful!

For those of you who don’t like “religious stuff”, I don’t think this book will get to you. There are a few vague and general references to church and to God. The book definitely sets a generalized “Christian” type of tone without being specifically Christian. I’m sure some might have problems with that. I figure, if it plants a seed, that has to be a good thing.

One thing I think we should all take away from this book is that we need to stop and get our perspective. Life is full of crises and storms, and it is those that make us stronger and more capable of helping others through crises. We also should not forget that we need each other. We have no concept of how much the little things that we do in our daily lives will impact others.

There is also a companion project called “The Noticer Project”. It has to do with publically noticing 5 people who have had an impact on your life. I’m personally having a hard time deciding on 5. I’m sure if there were more, it wouldn’t be breaking the rules to list them. My wife has let me know that she better be on there.

Tech Support Through Social Media

Last night I ran into a problem, and today I remain amazed at the power of social media. I’m also amazed at how effectively companies can be by monitoring it.

Last night I was trying to install some Bible software on my netbook. I normally run into trouble with Libronix. I can usually get through it with help from Google. Last night was different. I went through the usual error. I downloaded MSXML 4.0. Then I got another error. Then I ran Libronix Update. Then Libronix would start, but not load. Then I downloaded the latest version. Then it would load, but somehow most of my books didn’t show up.

For those of you who know me (those who don’t should pray it remains that way), I don’t always handle frustration well. I especially fail to handle frustration when I have an ear to listen, or better yet an entire platform like Twitter. I can be somewhat of an ass when I’m frustrated, have a target, and a platform. I made a few frustrated tweets asking why Thomas Nelson doesn’t fix Libronix so it works right the first time. I also left a few frustrated tweets about Laridian, which decided to delete 500 of my Bible notes.

Should it be Easier to ask Forgiveness Than to Seek Permission?

During my time in the Navy, I was introduced to the concept that “it is easier to ask forgiveness than to seek permission.” I thought that was a catchy concept and it became part of my philosophy. Having grown up in the military, I wondered why I’d never heard this earlier. I was an E-5 when I first learned of this concept.

Normally, this is applied to silly little requests that could just as easily be granted but for whatever reason, it is expected that they won’t be granted by whomever is in authority. As an example, I could ask my wife if I can stop at Wawa tomorrow morning, take out $20, and buy a breakfast sandwich. It’s a silly request, and as an engineer I obviously make enough money to buy a sub $3 breakfast sandwich. It won’t kill our budget at all. I know that if I ask, my wife will at best try to talk me out of it or at worst tell me no. I also have the choice to go ahead and do it. At worst, she’ll notice a $20 withdrawal and ask me what it was for. I’ll explain. She’ll be disappointed but will eventually forget about it. (I’m not trying to pick on my wife; I’m only trying to make a point. I also occasionally throw things out to see if she’s keeping up with my blog).

The Words We Use…

Communication is a powerful medium when used correctly. Sometimes, the terms we use can make or break a deal.

I could probably make my point better if I spend some time working on this, but I just want to dash this post of quickly. Last month, I was really burning to get started toward a Master’s degree. The MBA was interesting to me, so I did some checking and sent off for information from several schools. I only heard back from one, in center city Philadelphia. The representative wanted to get me in for an interview right away, and we tentatively made one. I was going to go after work on the Tuesday after MLK day.

As the appointment approached, my wife and I decided that we needed to get the house back on the market. She’s also not eager to have me locked away working on course material so soon after finishing my bachelor’s degree, plus there’s the student loans and we’re not sure how we would pay for a Master’s program without going farther into debt, which neither of us wants right now. That and an appointment right after work on that day was a major inconvenience to my entire family, as we had plans every other day that week and my wife needed me on Tuesday for something else.

Nehemiah As an Example of Male Leadership

My church is going to start a new men’s group. It’s proven to be a real challenge as we are a “freeway church”, that is, our membership is pretty well spread out. We’re not a community church where our membership generally lives nearby. My house is currently about 10 miles from the church, and if we sell and move into my in-laws’, I’ll be 20 miles out. Some people come from even farther. We’re also incredibly busy. Trying to find a date and time for a men’s group to meet has been difficult. I can’t do breakfast meetings because I get to work at 6:30 AM. We finally settled on Thursday afternoon, with our first meeting being today. We’ll see how it goes.

In preparation for our first meeting, I read the book of Nehemiah from the perspective of male leadership. For the past several weeks our pastors have been preaching from Nehemiah. Several things stood out to me during this read. For one thing, Nehemiah considered Jerusalem as a reproach with the walls down. Putting the walls back up would make the city no longer a reproach. I have to wonder if there is anything I can draw from that. Is a person, a family, a church, a group, a society, etc. a reproach with a broken wall, a lack of boundaries, or no form of defensive security and self-containment? Is there a broader application? I don’t like to over-spiritualize or allegorize parts of the Bible for which neither was intended, but in many cases there is a deeper message. I don’t have the answer now, but I do plan to study this.